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Are You Still Thawing from 2020?

It’s February, 2021. In the Midwest we refer to this time as the beginning of winter. The snow outside my place is thick, lush and deep. Since the most recent snowstorm, the feeling of waking up to blankets of snow permeates the air with a sense of quiet. 


Actually, the snow in all its stillness lends itself to a pause. The pause we all experienced nearly a year ago, at the onset of COVID lockdown. 


That same pause lasted all year and impacted the way we do life. I, for one find myself still reeling from it all. When I look at the snow now, and shiver from plummeting temperatures I think of all the ways I have felt frozen. Stuck. Unable to move forward or backwards. 


Surprisingly, when life as we know it came to a halt -- I honestly felt a sense of relief first. For me, having a pause personally and professionally came with a sense of “Whew, now I can rest.” And rest I did. 


Now to get where I’m going with this -- there’s something you should know about me. I am/was the Queen of Busy. Chief Go-Getter. Workaholic. Boss Babe. You get the drift. Known to always have more than several wheels spinning at once, my ambition sometimes would have to wear me down before I chose to slow down. Juggling an art business, enrolled in university, working full-time while raising kids and doing marriage were all happening simultaneously not so long ago. So when the pandemic hit, I knew it was the kind of ‘chill’ I desperately needed. 


What I didn’t realize was that the isolation brought on by the pandemic would cause me to sort of forget who I was and what I am passionate about.  It was nothing for me to have to speak at a gala, have multiple coffee dates and an art show all within days of each other. I’d complain about it from time to time, but I somehow managed to soldier on because it was important to me. People in my inner circles came to rely on me to bring the energy and passion I’m known for. Especially when it came to spreading messages of hope and resilience. 


I sit here now writing to you from a place of nostalgia, looking at my wide open schedule and calendar, once so full of overbooked events and appointments. Now my days consist of such a sheepish routine that I hardly recognize myself anymore. I’ve forgotten what I loved most, and more importantly - what I’m good at. I hardly think about the fact that I’m a published author, with several humanitarian awards, art in restaurants, domestic violence shelters and behavioral health offices. I’ve become comfortable with wearing sweats and a T-shirt, snacking all day and binge-watching shows (I don’t always like) on Netflix. 


No judgment, I needed this time to regroup. I think the “thawing” period for me is just starting to happen now. I’m terrified (but also ready) to start putting myself out there again. So many passion projects have been shelved, and now I’m slowly beginning to dust them off and begin again. This thawing feels like peeling off layers of self-doubt, anxiety, procrastination, social isolation and more one at a time until the soul-stirring whirls of excitement ignite. I’m cranking the engine. I wanna remember what it feels like to be at the intersection of inspiration and connection. 

Where are you on this journey? What did 2020 bring to a halt for you, and where are you beginning again? I’d love to know. 


VersAnnette BlackmanComment