Empty Nesting: A Time of Rediscovery

I have lived and loved and raised kids who are now grown, and still it never fully occurs to me. I still feel like a youngin’, a woman who is learning and growing and discovering who she really is every single day. I may have acquired some wisdom in 44 years, but I am still honing in on what it is that I know for sure. 

The one thing I do know, is that life has the ability to knock you off your feet, humble you to nearly nothing and stretch you wide and fast and far. Circumstances can shake you, loss and grief can ground you, and suddenly all the accomplishments and accoutrement in the world don’t make you whole. Unanswered questions can rock you at your core, and all you knew about yourself is washed away. Leaving faint traces of your identity in the dust. 

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve lost yourself, you will understand what I am saying. If you’ve ever felt like life has left you behind, you hear me. I have been both a student and giver of life for many years, but the times that the wind has swept over me, I was horrified at how time stands still when healing from trauma but really the world is going on and on. 

I have measured time in the growth of my kids. It’s as if they become these tall ambitious adults overnight. I came home from a hospital stay and they were different. I was different. I felt older, worn and feeble but they looked well rested, well fed and vibrant. This is how I knew it was time to let go. I sat them down, and told them that just that. “I will always be your mother.” I said. “But this thing where I give and I give and make decisions and take responsibility for your life is over. Who you decide to become, that’s on you.” 

Two years later, and they have learned. One continues to amaze me with his self-sufficiency and the other blazes with independence. I’ve done what I set out to do. Raise them as such. 

Now it is time for me to figure out who I am for this next chapter.